No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
