This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
