Tell her she can't have a vagina
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
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