Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
