Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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