do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
