You're completely useless in the revolution.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Randomize
