sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
