I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
