you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
