We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
