i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
this hospital has no fireball
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
