check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
