when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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