Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
