I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
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