dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
