Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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