Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Randomize
