we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
