You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
