Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize