Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
