So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
