I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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