Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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