Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
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