i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
