I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize