I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
cat food counts as protein by the way
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
