just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize