now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
