she woke up with a sticky ear
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Randomize
