He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
