Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
