you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
