Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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