I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
