All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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