new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
