Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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