Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
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