watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
