Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
