thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
