I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
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