what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
