you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Randomize