That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Randomize
