I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
