I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
