She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
