how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
