I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
