sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Randomize
