you would pick up someone in the library
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
