His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
