my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
