She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
