why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize