He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
