i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
