It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
