When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
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