Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
