don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
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