So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
