I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
