if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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