pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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