I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
is this the sara with the beer cane?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
